yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
