i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
