I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
