i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
