is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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