I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
