Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I will die if light touches me.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
