This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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