I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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