In America we eat man semen.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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