I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
