ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
