she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
