Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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