You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
