I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
