If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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