You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
