5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
