yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
