i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
These tits shall not be calmed
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
