So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
