In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
