that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
