I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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