and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
