just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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