Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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