i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
