The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
