She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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