Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
