its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
