Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
