I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
