Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
