Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
