She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
