I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
