i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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