they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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