this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Randomize
