today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
