i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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