Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize