how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
