Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
