she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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