She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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