You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
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