Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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